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Thursday, March 30, 2023

Beyoncé Knowles


By far the hottest prong of Destiny’s Child, Beyoncé has gone on to become one of the most marketable artists ever, towing just the right line between philanthropic Christian wonder woman and ‘bootylicious’.

Beyoncé Knowles' marriage to Jay-Z helped, of course, elevating her to hip-hop aristocracy and making her probably the most heavily guarded women on the planet. You can still touch her though. In Madame Tussauds.

The Queen B’s success can be measured in other, less waxy ways. Beyonce’s sold upwards of millions and millions of records. She’s been named artist of the decade. She has a university course named after her, and a monument in Texas, her home state. But perhaps the most significant sign that she is something special, is that someone was nice enough to name a horsefly after her, Scaptia beyonceae.

The Carter family has now grown again. Just imagine being Blue Ivy Carter, the couple's first collaboration in a sentient being – a child so privileged she makes the royal family look like inbred hermits. She’ll want for nothing, but Jay and B won’t let her become spoilt. She’ll have enough money to do something, but not enough money to do nothing. Because Beyoncé is power, and we respect her so much, we’re not even going to make a crass joke about breastfeeding.
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Sunday, March 26, 2023

Natalie Portman


Born in Israel as Natalie Hershlag, Natalie Portman is now probably the most famous Natalie in the world. She’s also whip-smart, having been educated at one of those posh universities in American where all the men look like characters from .

And yet beyond the brains – she left Harvard in 2003 with a degree in psychology – is a gorgeously impish actress who really knows her craft, and manages to look as good in second-hand Boho wear as she does in an Oscar gown. There's a big heart, too – Natalie Portman is active in a very big way with an organisation called Finca, which helps fund businesswomen in developing countries.

Natalie Portman was a child star who held her own in Leon, despite being up against Jean Reno and Gary Oldman. She was one of the less objectionable things in ‘the new but set before the old ones’ , she kissed Mila Kunis in Black Swan, fired arrows and showed her bottom in the very unappreciated , hung out with Thor in Thor, and had a baby and won an Oscar.

Now, Natalie Portman will star in not one, but two of reclusive auteur and sleepy cat look-a-like Terrence Malicks new films. Lawless and The Knight of Cups will shoot back to back. And that’s about all we know about them. Sorry.
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Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley


Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, the delightful Victoria's Secret model from Plymouth in Devon, is hot. So hot that she's replaced Megan Fox in Transformers 3. It's just like a sexy version of David and Goliath - the up and coming Rosie toppled FHM's former Sexiest Woman In The World, for the very role that made her famous. Technically, Megan Fox left of her own accord, but you know what we're getting at.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has modeled for a wide variety of brands like Abercrombie & Fitch, Ralph Lauren, Burberry, DKNY and Top Shop. She has even been on the cover of Vogue and done some very amazing things as a Victoria's Secret model, leading us to eagerly anticipate the new VS show each year. On top of a bunch of other modelling commitments she was also in the 2010 Pirelli Calendar shot by Terry Richardson, and was nude cuddling some sort of sloth to her chest. As you do.

Unfortunately for us, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley has been linked with all kinds of man-folk. The 23-year-old dated Ronnie Wood's youngest son, Kylie's ex-Oliver Martinez and most recently, the stubbly-faced 'arrd man Jason Statham. But on the plus-side, Rosie made an amazingly sexy video for Agent Provocateur about a boyfriend that forgets Valentines day.
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